Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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