Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
