This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
