chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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