Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
