I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
