I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
