i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
