I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
