you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
