He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize