But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have âdaddy issuesâ. Fuck all of you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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