Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize