I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
