She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
