i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize