Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
