I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
