I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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