Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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