we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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