i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
