I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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