Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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