ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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