What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize