I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
