Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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