I have demons in me.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
