so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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