I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
