U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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