dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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