Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
pop tarts are not kleenex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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