my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
