I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
