I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
