Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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