If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
