you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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