Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
