I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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