dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
