Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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