Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
