This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I stole a fireplace last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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