She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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