Your face is a jimmy john
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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