I wish I could punch you in the face.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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