what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
