I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
