no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
