Your dad touched me again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize