I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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