I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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