Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
