i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
