I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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