This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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