my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
