Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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