my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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