you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
