If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
high people should be assigned attendants
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
