i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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