she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
