just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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