I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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