Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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