Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
