my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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