the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
