I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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