Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
